Thwarted Plans

I am in Southern California visiting family. My mother, sister, and I had one plan for Monday which included a little outlet shopping. Here's what happened instead....

1. I woke up ready to shop at 4:30 am because I am so familiar with the Eastern Standard Time. Apparently California won't change to my time zone when I visit.

2. Coach Carr retires rendering my Make-a-Wish dream (if I got cancer) obsolete.

3. Endured the Bucknut gloating (via phone, newspapers, and sportscenter) due to the tragedy of epic proportions on the field of the Big House Saturday.

4. There's small crisis at Dad's business and we all are cordially "invited" to help prepare for the audit. I am pretty sure the compensation rate is still 25 cents an hour. I got lucky and was assigned to tend my nephew. Thanks Jack.

5. Five hours later my mother and sister return from the "small project" out at the Medicine Shoppe. Crisis is averted. (Jack and I had a great time. It turns out he likes me. Liza says he likes everyone but I know it's only me he loves.)

6. Mom has to do payroll. (Please note, my mother can accomplish more in a day than most people do all month. She spins circles around all of us.)

7. We finally get on the road around 3 pm for our 30 minute ride to outlet utopia.

8. Twenty minutes later the Audi blows a tire and we are on a precipice in a canyon with three women and a baby. SCARY! And I don't get scared. (Please note......NEVER buy a German-made vehicle. You will swear like a sailor on way too many occasions and it will prevent you from entering into the pearly gates.)

9. AAA comes in 30 minutes (thank goodness we didn't have to wait for Jo Jo to get here to call AAA...more on that later). Man with the greasy hands (he called himself the highway hero) changes our tire while educating us on the finer points of why one should never purchase a German-made vehicle. (Did you know it is near to impossible to change a tire on an Audi, Mercedes, and Volvo? Yes...even for the Highway Heroes!)

10. The Highway Hero gets his jack stuck under the hard to hoist German-made vehicle. He tries to get it down for 30 minutes. No dice. Calls another AAA Highway Hero and 30 minutes later he arrives.

11. Two Highway Hero's are now trying to get the German-made car down off the hoist. One Hero is almost smashed between the guardrail and the car due to the vehicle lurching to one side while trying to get the jack down. Another crisis is averted and another 30 minutes later we are again in hopes of getting to the mecca of all outlet malls.

12. The German-made vehicle now has a dead battery. Yes....seriously! I flag down the Highway Hero as he is driving off by waving my hands frenetically and then showing a little leg. Luckily he stopped again. Not sure if it was my leg or the maniacal woman screaming "WWWWWAAAAAIIIIIITT"!

13. We are on our way to a tire store because Mom is concerned there is another problem with the tires. (Please note....I forgot to eat lunch and am getting very hungry in the midst of all this. Those who know me are aware this complicates EVERYTHING!)

14. The spare tire has a bubble. No...not kidding. It will explode if you drive faster than 40 miles an hour the tire store says.

15. Jack's mad and hungry and crying.

16. Rachael's mad and hungry and wants to cry.

17. Three and a half hours later we are back home.......no shopping. Darn Germans!